


The gift that keeps on giving

by TheWeirdDane



Series: The Gift That Keeps On Giving [1]
Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Adult Valkyrie Cain, Alternate Universe, Angry Handjobs, Being Walked In On, Canon-Typical Violence, Cunnilingus, Double Penetration, Eating Out While Having A Gun Against Your Temple, Established Relationship, Established Valkyrie Cain/Skulduggery Pleasant, F/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless Smut, Skulduggery Pleasant And Solomon Wreath Competing For Valkyrie Cain's Affection, Skulduggery and Solomon bickering, Teacher-Student Relationship, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Fingering, au where valkyrie is like definitely above eighteen and attending a requiem ball, handjobs, i'm starting to sense a pattern here and i'm not sure i like it, sort of???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-03 21:24:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17291702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWeirdDane/pseuds/TheWeirdDane
Summary: Valkyrie Cain is attending a Requiem Ball, and it's dreadfully boring. Skulduggery Pleasant decides to liven up the party - on her expense - but somehow ends up with an even more strained relationship with Solomon Wreath.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Have another Skulduggery Pleasant fic! As with "Don't Say A Word", please, no spoilers if you comment!

Talking.

This ball required so. Much. Talking. And to people she didn’t even know or care for. High and mighty people, could-pull-a-golden-egg-out-the-ass rich sorcerers. Definitely people Valkyrie Cain didn’t feel comfortable talking with.

Skullduggery Pleasant had left her to instead converse with someone he apparently found more interesting than her, which was, of course, preposterous, not to mention rude.

At least Valkyrie was pretty, and she knew it. She caught her own reflection in one of the big mirrors hanging around the ball room. She smiled, despite being left alone, and she pushed her hips to the sides, admiring the sway of the skirt.

It was a tight dress, but with the biggest skirt she had ever seen in her life. A person could probably hide under there with little to no problems.

She dragged her eyes from the mirror and instead looked over the crowd to find Skulduggery waltzing around with a woman. Valkyrie scoffed at her but waited until the music stopped and people separated to clap for the orchestra and bow for their partner. She partook in the polite clapping.

Skulduggery went back to her while humming the melody the orchestra had just finished playing.

“Had fun with your dancing partner?” she asked, trying her best to keep the annoyance and jealousy out of her voice. She thought she did a pretty good job.

“Quite. Would be a lot more fun with you, though.”

“Because I dance like a monkey on stilts?”

“Precisely. Anyway, we’re going to leave this delightful room for just a moment, I have something to give you.”

For a second, Valkyrie dared get her hopes up. Then she remembered all the lousy Christmas presents he had gotten her - the _stick!_ \- and the excitement died down again, giving instead way for caution.

Skulduggery wrapped an arm around her waist, and though this had happened many times, it still managed to warm her heart. She could feel his gloved fingers grip into her waist, firmly. Not wanting her to stray. It was intoxicating.

They walked out of the room and through the long corridors until Skulduggery pushed her into a corner where the many candles and electric lights couldn’t penetrate the darkness.

“Hey, what are you---”

One of his hands clasped over her mouth to silence her, the other still on her waist.

“Just trust me. You won’t forget this present. At least I hope not. Oh, and beside trusting me, I would try to keep my voice down if I were you. People might hear or see us.”

It was said with a teasing lilt, and immediately, Valkyrie’s interest was piqued. But like the obedient girl she was, she stayed quiet when Skulduggery removed his hand from her mouth, slowly, like he expected her to scream or yell or shout or such nonsense.

He looked at her, those big and empty eye sockets telling her nothing of what he was going to give her. She sighed and closed her eyes, reaching out her hands and expecting him to put something in them. Instead, he chuckled, and the hand on her waist disappeared to instead press against between her legs.

She made a strangled sort of sound and opened her eyes wide. Now he was wearing the façade, and he looked smug as hell. Sharp cheekbones, green eyes, a mess of black hair. Full lips with the corners turning up in a smirk.

As she took in his appearance, Skulduggery fought with the skirt to get his hand under it, and when he finally succeeded, he let out a quiet grunt while Valkyrie gave a sharp moan of her own.

“You can’t do this! Not here!” she sputtered and looked over his shoulder. No one seemed to have noticed them - _yet_. But it was only a matter of time before someone came to investigate the weird sounds, and---

_Oh_.

_That_ was why he had recommended she be quiet. She got it now.

Valkyrie bit her lower lip, and Skulduggery looked _infuriatingly_ pleased with himself. The smooth leather gloves must have been put in a pocket of his suit jacket, for now it was warm and velvety fingers that pressed against her crotch and stroked her folds, making her squirm and put her hand against the wall.

Gods, she wanted to punch him. She was just about to when he sunk to his knees, wrestled some more with the skirt, and _disappeared under it_.

“Oh, are you kidding me?” she hissed quietly and leaned her head back against the wall behind her with a soft thud.

“Not in the slightest, my dear,” he answered, voice soft and muffled but not any less provocative or smug, and pushed her legs apart. Valkyrie gasped and clamped a hand over her mouth, trying to press herself further into the corner. It turned out to be impossible.

Skulduggery’s mouth pressed against her inner thigh - she hadn’t bothered with tights - and a jolt went through her, making her body jerk. Her heart was starting to beat faster, a thousand miles an hour, and her free hand went to grab at his head through the many layers of fabric.

“People could see us!” she whispered and looked around. It didn’t seem like people _did_ notice them, but this was a point she planned to keep bringing up.

“They would only see you. I am completely hidden by your rather magnificent dress.”

She was about to quip back with ‘ _and do you expect me to just stand here like a fool?’_ when Skulduggery pulled down her underwear and kissed her right between the legs, and her knees buckled for a second, her hand clutching at his head and subsequently pushing him firmer against her.

Next thing she knew, he was lapping at her like he was man dying of thirst and she was an oasis of fresh water. It made her gasp and moan none-too-quietly, and she hurriedly shoved a fist in her mouth. Skulduggery had the audacity to _snicker_ , and she pressed his head harder against her. If this was happening, it was happening _her way_.

At least it _was_ her way, until she noticed someone staring in her direction. She couldn’t see them clearly, but she could see that they were leaning against a cane.

Then, to her horror, the figure approached.

“Someone’s coming,” she hissed, yet her hands couldn’t seem to stop clutching at Skulduggery’s head. He didn’t even _stop_ , simply kept licking her folds and circling her clit with his tongue before taking it in his mouth. He was very good at not making a single sound, however. She hated that she had to give him credit for that.

Her gaze was nailed to the approaching figure, and it wasn’t until they were a few meters away that Valkyrie recognized them, and ice-cold dread settled in her belly. She tried desperately to stop grabbing Skulduggery’s head and instead smooth over her dress, fix her hair, anything to pretend she was doing anything else but getting head in a dark corner of her uncle’s mansion at a Requiem Ball.

But she failed spectacularly, and shame and adrenaline filled her chest.

“Valkyrie,” the figure said with big lips curling in a genuinely friendly smile, and Valkyrie wished she would spontaneously combust, “are you okay? You seem---”

Then Solomon Wreath’s gaze traveled downwards to where her hands were buried in Skulduggery’s head. His eyes widened and snapped back up to Valkyrie’s face which was just now proving to be a traitor by heating up.

“I seem to have caught you at an, ah, inopportune time. I’ll, uh, leave you to it.”

It was the first time Valkyrie had heard him sound so hesitant and embarrassed, and she wanted to _die_.

“Solomon, wait, I can---”

He held up the hand not grabbing his cane tightly and looked away.

“Please, no explanations needed. I’ll be on my way.”

Valkyrie opened her mouth to say something, but Skulduggery chose that exact moment to push a finger inside her while licking her clit, and the only thing that left her was a mortified wretch of a moan.

Solomon promptly left, the cane clicking against the pristine floor.

Valkyrie was smarter than to call out for him. She instead suffered through one of the arguably best orgasms she had ever had, with Skulduggery sucking and licking her clit while fingering her with two fingers. She bit down into her fist to muffle the sounds rolling past her lips.

But the shock and disappointment that had been etched onto Solomon’s face haunted her, and she hated to disappoint her other mentor. She wanted him to like her, something he had undoubtedly done before, and something that had undoubtedly been ruined now.

She wanted to punch Skulduggery even more now but refrained from doing so until he stood in front of her again. He was about to turn off his façade when she punched him in the shoulder and just managed to cock an eyebrow before his face disappeared.

“What was that, very mature, by the way, for?”

“You just--- I can’t believe you just--- What won’t he _think_ of me now?” Valkyrie sputtered and looked in the direction in which Solomon had stormed off. Skulduggery very slowly took off his hat and dusted some imaginary lint from the brim, very deliberately not looking at her.

“Who?” It was said so calmly, so nonchalantly, so smugly, and Valkyrie wanted to punch him again.

“You _know_ who, you---!”

Valkyrie didn’t finish her sentence, but the smugness in Skulduggery’s voice had been enough to send her off to find Solomon and apologize. It was no big feat to find him - he had taken to stand by the banquet where he looked sourly down into a glass of whatever alcohol was served at this ball.

She nervously slinked towards him, and when his eyes landed on her, they turned hard.

“Valkyrie,” he said, acknowledging her presence, and took a sip from the glass. His face contorted.

“No good?” she asked and tried a chuckle that turned way too shrill. She immediately busied herself with taking a glass of alcohol and taking a swig. She grimaced.

“Decide for yourself.” He sounded amused in the way you only are if you find out that someone you like or even love did something to hurt you, and they then get fucked over.

Solomon took his crystal glass and started walking away, but Valkyrie grabbed his arm and nearly spilled his drink.

“You weren’t supposed to find out. Nobody was supposed to see us.”

“Oh, I see. That’s why you did it at the Requiem Ball, in a corner of the hallway, where obviously, no one would ever see you.”

His words were scalding, and Valkyrie physically withdrew and looked away. She could feel Solomon’s eyes rest on her, and after a few seconds, he sighed.

“I’m not mad at you, Valkyrie. I realize you’re a grown-up, that you make your own choices, but… _him_?” He nodded towards the doors through which Skulduggery entered, looking as smart and dapper as ever in his tuxedo.

“Please, be civil,” Valkyrie whispered and risked gently squeezing his arm, “don’t start a war because of him.”

“I would never do such a thing.” It didn’t sound very reliable, but Valkyrie had no choice but to trust him as Skulduggery came over and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close. Already from this, Solomon’s fingers tightened around the crystal glass. She momentarily feared it would splinter, but it resisted his strong grip.

“Wreath, I see you’ve joined the party.”

“I have indeed. Are you going to arrest me for that, great detective Skulduggery Pleasant?”

“Not unless you give me a good reason to.”

“Since when do you need a good reason to arrest me?”

Skulduggery, somehow, even without eyes or eyebrows, managed to look thoughtful for half a second.

“I hate to admit it, Wreath, but you make a good point. You’re hereby arrested for attending this Requiem Ball.”

He was about to whip out a pair of handcuffs, but Valkyrie pushed his arm down. He looked at her. Solomon scoffed and shook his head, taking another swig from the glass.

“If you do it,” Valkyrie whispered, “I won’t forgive you.”

“Sure you will. You always do.”

“Not this time.”

They shared a long look - Valkyrie with hard yet pleading eyes and Skulduggery with, well, empty eye sockets - before Skulduggery put the handcuffs back into his suit jacket’s pocket. Valkyrie sighed in relief.

“You have him trained well, Valkyrie. Very obedient.”

“I’m not her pet, Wreath,” Skulduggery said. Solomon’s tips tugged upwards in a wry smile. Skulduggery’s hand tightened on her waist, and it was easy to hear how angry he was with the Necromancer.

“Are you sure? A few words from Valkyrie, and you do whatever she says? That seems like a pet to me.”

“I ought to shoot you right here, right now,” Skulduggery growled and glared at Solomon, then at Valkyrie, “but I won’t.” Solomon’s smile widened, and he even laughed, albeit a discreet, solemn one.

No one seemed to notice them or their semi-violent banter, something Valkyrie was very grateful for. She didn’t need to be lectured, or have people say she needed new mentors and friends. She heard that enough when they were on cases; such talk was very unwelcome tonight.

She always thought that these kinds of balls were boring, but with everything that was happening tonight, this ball was anything but. Mortifying, yes, humiliating, absolutely, but far from boring.

She tried prying herself free from Skulduggery’s grip, but it only made him hold her closer. Solomon clearly noticed, because his gloved fingers gripped the cane and glass tighter. It really was a wonder how the crystal didn’t break.

The two men stared at each other, and if Valkyrie didn’t know Solomon better, she would have paid good money on the bet that they were going to fight any moment. But she did know Solomon well enough to be certain that he at least wouldn’t start the fight, and she had been very clear about what would happen if Skulduggery was the one to initiate it.

And she knew that Skulduggery, for all this teasing and constant mocking, loved her very dearly and didn’t want to hurt her. But it was also _very_ clear that he currently wanted nothing more than to kick Solomon’s ass. How he must be struggling.

“Can’t you just settle this silly nonsense?” she found herself saying before she knew how to stop herself. Skulduggery and Solomon looked at her like she had just demanded something completely outrageous.

Which, for all instances, this might be.

“And how do you suggest we do that?” Solomon asked, raising an eyebrow and lifting the glass to his lips. Skulduggery glared at him like he was channeling all his energy into _not_ shoving the glass into his mouth and make him choke on it.

Valkyrie shrugged.

“It’s your pissing contest, you figure it out.”

Skulduggery snorted and looked out into the crowd, squeezing her tightly. Some people were starting to notice exactly who were talking with whom, and it was clear they were expecting some sort of fight - they were whispering and sending pointed glances in their direction.

“I might have an idea,” Solomon said after a long pause. He sounded hesitant, his eyes glued to Valkyrie. She had a feeling this idea was going to be absolutely and one hundred per cent outrageous and ridiculous, but she wasn’t going to shoot him down before he had voiced it. That was Skulduggery’s job.

“Speak, but watch your tongue,” her companion said. The Necromancer scoffed and sent him a quick glance before his attention was back on Valkyrie.

“We try to woo you. Whoever succeeds---”

“You must be out of your mind,” Skulduggery said and once more made to produce the handcuffs, but just like before, Valkyrie made sure he didn’t.

“Solomon,” Valkyrie said, making sure her voice was soft and kind yet not void of the surprise she felt by his suggestion, “I’m sorry, but… what? I’m with Skulduggery, you know this.”

She saw the ache and hurt in his eyes for the half second it took for him to mask it, and he made a small shrug with his right shoulder.

“It was just a suggestion. I doubt Skulduggery is any good, anyway.” He came forward, into Valkyrie’s and Skulduggery’s personal space, and while the skeleton detective puffed out his chest and looked at the Necromancer with the most violent hatred Valkyrie imagined a skeleton could muster, she just looked up at Solomon with wide eyes.

“Sure, he can eat you out at a silly ball. Sure, he can get you interesting cases. But can he make your heart dance and flutter?” His breath ghosted against her skin, and goosebumps erupted all over her body. “Can he make you feel like the queen you are, the goddess you were meant to be?” Momentary glimpses of Darquesse flickered through Valkyrie’s mind, but Solomon continued. “Will he worship you like you deserve? Will he teach you the most powerful magic there is?”

His hand had set down the crystal glass and now came up to trace a few leather-clad fingers against her cheek. Valkyrie could feel Skulduggery practically vibrate with the desire to punch the Necromancer, but for some reason, he didn’t. She felt dizzy but didn’t take her eyes off him.

Solomon’s gaze flickered from her eyes to her lips and back to her eyes, and he spoke once more.

“Sure, Skulduggery is witty and charming and murderous, but I could build you up to be everything you ever wanted to be. I have the power to make you go into history. I could make you a legend amongst our kind.”

Valkyrie noticed how quickly she was breathing, and she tried calming herself down, tried telling herself she wasn’t so easily tempted, but his words ran through her head in bright neon and settled in her chest.

_A legend._

“One more word from you, and you will have another hole to breathe through,” Skulduggery said and whipped out his revolver, aiming it at Solomon’s head. His eye sockets looked furious. How could _eye sockets_ look furious?

“Let him speak,” Valkyrie whispered. She was feeling antsy - this was not how she had imagined this night to go down.

Skulduggery turned his head to look at her. She could feel the fury and hatred, but also the wish to not hurt her. He didn’t say anything, but still had his revolver trained on the Necromancer’s face.

Several sorcerers had now stopped chatting and watched them, enthralled. They probably expected a big show. After all, Skulduggery Pleasant and Solomon Wreath were known to be practically arch-enemies. But with her words, Valkyrie had made sure that Skulduggery wouldn’t kill Solomon. Maybe maim him, shoot a bullet through his eye, but not kill.

Solomon had the decency not to smirk as he continued talking.

“I have made my point. The rest is up to you, Valkyrie.” He leaned away from their personal bubble and picked up his glass again, watching Valkyrie intensely over the rim. She looked up at him, and all his words rushed through her mind, flashing clearly and making a shiver go through her.

_A legend. Queen. Goddess._ He would probably destroy entire cities for her. Not that she would ever want him to do that, but there was no doubt in her mind that he would do it for her.

“If, and this is a very big if, _if_ I let you do this, will you stop being at each other’s throat all the time?” she asked, voice small and more than a bit insecure. Skulduggery lowered his revolver, clearly shocked despite the lack of facial features. It was a talent to read skeleton faces, and Valkyrie thought she was pretty good at it.

“Whoever wins, and that will be determined by you, of course, will be your companion for tonight and as long as you wish it,” Solomon said after putting down his empty glass. He leaned against his cane, his gaze flitting between Valkyrie and Skulduggery.

Skulduggery pulled her out of Solomon’s hearing range and grabbed her by the shoulders.

“Valkyrie, what are you saying?” he asked, and he didn’t sound hurt or the like, but rather confused and furious, “You can’t possibly think this is a good idea.”

“Why not?” she asked defiantly in return, crossing her arms, “You’re always bickering and fighting, and I know you want to beat him at his own game. This is the perfect chance for you to show why you’re superior to him.” She kept her voice down so Solomon wouldn’t hear her. “Or maybe you’re scared that he’s right?”

If he had been a cat, he would be bristling right about now.

“Of course I’m not scared of that. He’s a phoney, Valkyrie, he says what you want to hear.”

“Then what’s the harm in trying? If he only talks a big game, that means you win, because while you talk obnoxiously big, you also follow through.”

They both looked at Solomon. He nodded to them in acknowledgement before looking over the crowd. The sorcerers had gone back to chatting and dancing now that the show seemed to be over.

“This is my decision, Skulduggery, and I decide that we give Solomon’s idea a chance. I know you’re good at this, so you better bring your best game. Unless you want him to win.” She grabbed him by the tie and reached up to kiss his cold, bony cheek before letting go again and walked back to Solomon who laid eyes on her.

“I accept your challenge,” she said and crossed her arms again, tilting her chin up a bit. For a second, Solomon looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Then the shock disappeared, and his pale face took on a pleased expression.

“Who do you wish to begin?” he asked and looked over at Skulduggery who looked livid, yet calm. A dangerous combination.

“We’re doing this my way, so we’re going to a secluded room, and then I’ll fill you in.” The two competing men looked at each other, equally confused but determined to win, so they followed Valkyrie as she left the ballroom.

She took them upstairs and found a room at the furthest end of the hallway. Knocking on the door and not receiving an answer, she opened it and walked in.

It was a small room that had a massive bed in the middle, up against the opposite wall. There was a wardrobe and a desk with a chair, and the floor was covered in a lush carpet that silenced their steps as they all walked in. Valkyrie closed and locked the door behind Solomon. They shared a brief glance, and already then, Skulduggery cleared his throat.

He sat backwards on the chair and had his arms folded on the back of it. His hat lay on the desk, and his gaze moved between Solomon and Valkyrie. The Necromancer leaned nonchalantly against the wardrobe and watched her calmly.

There was a long silence between all three of them, and Skulduggery opened his mouth to break it, but Valkyrie cut him off.

“So, the deal is this. You want to woo me? Then you’re going to have to show me a good time.” Solomon’s and Skulduggery’s jaws dropped, but they didn’t protest.

She started undressing. Struggled a bit with the zipper of the dress, and like one being, both men surged forward to help her. They glowered at each other, and Valkyrie had to suppress a snicker. She stretched her arms up above her head as Skulduggery pulled down the zipper and Solomon surprisingly gingerly wriggled the dress over her head and off.

Valkyrie now stood in just her bra and shoes - her panties were gone, and she had a sneaking suspicion that Skulduggery was the culprit - and lowered her arms, instead planted her hands on her hips, gaze flickering between the two men.

Solomon looked at her like she was an artistic masterpiece he wanted to remember every detail of once it was taken from him. He didn’t have the hungry look in his eyes that she thought he would. He simply seemed to admire her, appreciate her. His eyes raked up and down her body, from her face to her feet, committing every detail of her to memory.

Skulduggery looked at her like one would a dear old friend. He reached up to touch the small tattoo on his collarbone, and the façade crept over his face. His eyes brimmed over with warmth and adoration and affection, and his gaze remained on her face. Didn’t look her over, didn’t let his eyes roam her body, but simply smiled to her with those glistening green eyes.

Solomon bent down, and for half a second, Valkyrie thought he was bowing to her, but he simply unzipped her heels. She let him take them off and felt incredibly stupid.

Once the shoes were off, Solomon took a moment to caress her feet and ankles. He looked over to the bed, and she caught his line of sight.

“May I?” he asked in a low voice, and her throat seemed to constrict. She fought through it.

“You may,” she replied as nonchalantly as possible. There was something alluring about the way he spoke. Being asked for permission was not something she was used to. By no means did Skulduggery ever force her, but they were so comfortable in their relationship that asking permission for anything was something they hardly ever needed. Being asked something so simple made her heart flutter and knees turn to jelly.

Valkyrie let herself be pushed gently backwards. She heard the chair creak and didn’t need to look over to see that Skulduggery had gotten up and watched them. She did anyway. His expression was indecipherable. That was never a good sign.

The back of her knees bumped against the edge of the bed, and she sat down and automatically leaned back on her elbows, stretching out her body and looking up at Solomon. He looked like he was dying to kiss her, but kudos to him for having some self-control. He once more bent down by her feet and took one in hand while looking up at her. Bringing his lips to her ankle, he breathily asked for permission once more. Valkyrie granted it.

His lips were surprisingly warm and gentle as they touched her skin. He closed his eyes and let his mouth roam the area around her ankle and foot.

Valkyrie had been so focused on the sight of him on his knees in front of her, on the fire that coursed through her veins, that she barely noticed how the bed dipped beside her. It was only when the familiar scent of Skulduggery wormed its way to her nostrils that she turned her head. Skullduggery took the opportunity to kiss her while cupping her face.

She made a soft sound and kissed him back, laying on her back to stroke his cheek. As the kiss progressed and Valkyrie began whining quietly in the back of her throat, Solomon moved up her leg. When he reached her knee, he gently pushed her legs apart and moved in between them, cradling the back of her knee in his hand while letting his lips caress the soft skin.

Valkyrie was vaguely aware of how wet she was getting from having these two men worship her like this, but she focused more on her throbbing heart and quivering legs and arms. Skulduggery’s lips were warm and velvety, and they slid so easily against hers. It was a practiced dance, her bottom lip slipping between his so he could suck on it and let his tongue slide along the inside, his hand caressing her cheek and down to her throat where it settled lightly, just barely touching her. It made the small hairs stand on end.

Solomon had reached her inner thigh, and his kisses gradually grew more and more insistent and powerful. His hands slid to her hips, and his mouth pressed hard against her flesh. Small, very contented sounds slipped between her lips, and Valkyrie arched her back and broke the kiss to draw in some much-needed air. One hand was pressed against Skulduggery’s chest while another had found a gentle grip in Solomon’s hair.

“You’re beautiful,” the skeleton whispered at the same time the Necromancer murmured, “You’re ravishing,” and Valkyrie’s heart seemed to stop beating. She let out a shaky moan and looked first at Skulduggery, then down at Solomon whose eyes now had taken on a hungry glint. His hands were slightly cooler than his lips as they stroked her hips, his mouth never leaving her skin.

“Keep going,” she whispered to both of them and closed her eyes, succumbing to the sensations. Skulduggery kissed her again, and Solomon’s mouth turned demanding and just a bit rough. His teeth nipped at her skin every now and then, and she gasped every time, the sound swallowed by an eager and jealous Skulduggery.

Her blood bubbled, and it burned like a wildfire, scorching everything in its way. Her skin felt too small for her body, and she arched her back slightly, spreading her legs wider on her own accord and subconsciously drawing Solomon closer to her throbbing core.

But he didn’t take advantage of the situation, instead asked permission again.

“May I lick you, Valkyrie?” His voice was uncharacteristically gruff, and it practically dripped with desire.

“God bloody damn it, yes, you may,” she replied on a shaky exhale, already expecting his lips on her. But he kept kissing around her folds, stroking her hips slowly and with, she just noticed now, slightly trembling hands.

“Don’t you dare touch her like that,” Skulduggery growled, and that seemed to be the last push for Solomon, because in the next second, the Necromancer let his tongue slide up and down Valkyrie’s folds. He groaned lowly - whether it was from tasting her or from her fingers tightening in his hair, Valkyrie couldn’t quite tell - and tilted his head slightly. He licked with the flat of his tongue, long and slow swipes before making his tongue turn into a point and prodded her clit.

Valkyrie let out a long, loud moan and clutched both Skulduggery’s tuxedo and Solomon’s hair tightly, her body taut and tense like a bow. Skulduggery let out a frustrated sound and kissed her hungrily, pushing his tongue into her mouth and rubbing it against hers. She whimpered quietly and moved her hand from his chest and into his hair, fingers entwining in the short strands.

Her entire body trembled, and her toes curled almost painfully when Solomon began licking her clit in long, slow swipes. It was almost too much, and she could feel tears start to prickle her eyes from the amount of pleasure coursing through her.

Her legs jerked in an attempt to close together, but Solomon kept them spread, and Valkyrie threw her head back, Skulduggery easily and naturally following her to avoid breaking the kiss. He ended up halfway laying across her chest and kissed her deeply, a hand loosely draped around her throat. His thumb caressed the thrumming vein, and Valkyrie moaned lowly.

Skulduggery licked her tongue and started rubbing against it, humming softly while doing so, and his other hand snaked into her long hair. Nothing more than a gentle tug, and Valkyrie let her head fall back and allowed Skulduggery to kiss her throat. She whimpered softly and opened her eyes to stare up at the ceiling. It was hard, if not downright impossible, to fathom that she had her two mentors worshipping and wanting to woo her.

“Don’t think you’ll win just because of that,” Skulduggery growled after pulling back from the kiss, sending Solomon a deadly glare.

“I don’t _think_ , I know I will,” Solomon murmured. Skulduggery scoffed and focused his attention back to Valkyrie, kissing and mouthing her throat and making her sigh and moan. She bit down on her lower lip, but Skulduggery grabbed her jaw and gently but firmly forced her mouth open.

“Let me hear,” he mumbled and pressed his lips against the skin just below her chin, wringing another moan from her.

Valkyrie felt her cheeks heat up as the sounds poured out of her. She clung to Skulduggery and pressed her head into the mattress. Her hair was going to get so tangled from this, and she would need a brush before returning to the ballroom. _If_ she wanted to return. It would all depend on a lot of things. As it looked right now, however, she would not be returning. This was just too much fun, and she felt too damn good.

Would people even miss her downstairs? She doubted it. They were probably too busy talking about politics or their riches or whatever. Valkyrie couldn’t be bothered to care.

“God, you’re doing a good job,” she whispered and arched her back, trying again to close her legs, but Solomon refused to let that happen.

“Who?” they both asked as if with one voice, and immediately glowered at each other. Valkyrie snickered breathlessly and didn’t know whether she wanted to tease Skulduggery or Solomon or neither.

“I’ll… leave you boys to figure that out.” Was her voice really that raspy? It sounded like she had been to a rock concert and screamed along to all the songs. The two men kept the intense glare at each other for a few seconds before Skulduggery kissed her throat with greater vigour, and Solomon licked her folds and clit with greater intensity.

The men quickly worked her to the brink of orgasm, and Valkyrie started squirming as well as she could with Skulduggery laying across her chest and Solomon keeping her hips pinned down. She had a hand in Skulduggery’s hair and the other in Solomon’s, and she tugged harshly at both, making the skeleton detective moan and the Necromancer grunt. Solomon was pressed firmer against her, and his tongue ran along her entrance before pushing inside her, making her gasp loudly and twist her fingers in his hair. She pulled just enough to guide him to use his tongue.

Solomon got the hint and continued lapping at her clit, and Valkyrie frantically moved both hands into Skulduggery’s hair while trying to push against Solomon’s face, but he effectively kept her pinned down. Meanwhile, Skulduggery had moved a hand to pull down her bra and stroke one of her breasts, his fingers gracing her nipple and making it hard. He flicked it before giving a firm tug, and Valkyrie’s body jerked, her mouth releasing a wanton cry.

“I-I wonder which one of you make me c-come undone first,” she whispered and glanced down at Skulduggery, then Solomon, and she relished the anger and determination that inhabited their faces. It was glorious.

“I think my position would prove to be the most rewarding,” Solomon said, his hot breath ghosting over her and making her shiver. Her toes curled again.

“It would be so easy to kick your head off your shoulders,” Skulduggery growled and pressed his teeth against Valkyrie’s throat, making her fingers flex in his hair.

“Then do it,” Solomon dared, and it was evident from the smirk in his voice that he knew Skulduggery wouldn’t go through with it.

Valkyrie snickered and took a deep, shaky breath, letting it out slowly. These men, seriously! It was driving her mad, not to mention closer to the edge to know that these two were fighting over her, fighting to get her to come first.

Skulduggery kept playing with her nipple and gently biting at her throat, and she wanted to squirm and writhe, but they both held her in an iron grip. Valkyrie could feel her orgasm approaching, and she was almost crying with desperation and need for relief, and just when she was sure that _this was it_ , Solomon pulled back just enough to readjust his position and get some air.

She could have kicked him.

Skulduggery knew her body better than Solomon, however, and he could read all the signs of her impending crash, and he seized the opportunity to reach down and press his fingers against her clit, rubbing it firmly in small, sharp circles.

Solomon said something, but Valkyrie didn’t hear it - waves of blinding light and impossible pleasure crashed over her, and she gasped loudly, her body arching, fingers and toes curling. She felt feather-light, and there was nothing else in the world but Skulduggery and his fingers on her, rubbing her through her orgasm and making her spasm the slight bit she could.

A few tears leaked from her eyes, and her body sagged against the bed, boneless and exhausted. Skulduggery removed his hand and cocked his head to the side to look at Solomon. Valkyrie didn’t need to look at them as they exchanged words to know that Skulduggery was incredibly smug, and Solomon didn’t see this as losing, per se, but merely as a minor setback.

“I guess that settles it. I win. Now be gone before my mood turns sour and I rip you apart.”

“As always, detective, you don’t do any of the work but reap all the rewards. I was doing most of the work, and I will prove to you that I can make Valkyrie come undone as well. You’re no better than I.”

Skulduggery had moved so Valkyrie’s upper body was free, but when Solomon pressed his lips against Valkyrie’s clit again, thus making her gasp and whine once more, Skulduggery pulled out his revolver and aimed it at the Necromancer’s head.

“I don’t need a reason to shoot you,” he said, and he sounded way too serious. If she wasn’t so far away in bliss, Valkyrie would have been worried. As it was, however, she could only focus on the overstimulation that Solomon brought her, and her hands gripped into his hair, fingers entwining in the strands. She didn’t know if she wanted to stop him or make him continue.

Either way, he kept going.

“Then why don’t you?” Solomon murmured, and Valkyrie lifted her head just enough to see the two men stare at each other with raw hatred and determination. It was a sight to behold. She dropped her head back down and whimpered when Solomon touched _just the right spot_ and made her vision go white and fuzzy around the edges.

To this question, Skulduggery had no answer. He didn’t lower the gun.

“I’m sure Valkyrie would understand. It’s all very simple; you just don’t like me.” His voice was so deep and rough right now, and Valkyrie was sure she could listen to it all day and all night.

“Shut. Up,” Skulduggery snapped and moved a finger to the trigger. Yet he didn’t take the shot, and Solomon seemed very secure in the thought that the skeleton wouldn’t go through with it.

“Why don’t you make me? Oh, I know; because you know, deep down, that Valkyrie likes me, too. And you don’t want to hurt her, and you know that if you were to shoot me or kick my head off or kill me in another boring, too predictable way, she would hate you.”

Skulduggery didn’t say a word, but his entire body was tense.

“Boys, please,” Valkyrie gasped and swallowed heavily, her back arching. They both looked at her, and Solomon resumed licking and sucking on her clit, the flat of his tongue swiping over the glistening bud. Valkyrie moaned loudly and closed her eyes again, pressing her head back against the mattress.

For a few delightful minutes, the only sound in the room were the ones that Solomon made while eating her out. It was fantastic and amazing, and she was naïve enough to believe that Skulduggery had accepted that the Necromancer was determined to make her come once more. But she was wrong.

The bed dipped as Skulduggery moved, and though her senses had slowed and her mind was too foggy to really _think_ , she knew that this probably wasn’t good. She opened her eyes to see Skulduggery press the barrel of the revolver against Solomon’s head. The Necromancer looked way too relaxed about it and even managed a smug smile as he pulled away from Valkyrie to look up at the skeleton properly.

Valkyrie writhed and whined in desperation.

“Won’t you even let me finish my job, detective? It should be done very quickly.” She jabbed him with a foot and let out a weak sound that was supposed to be a scoff but instead sounded more like a grunt.

“You’ll be done very quickly if you don’t stop right now.”

“But I’m not doing anything. I’m not even touching her.”

“And it better stay that way.”

Solomon sighed dramatically.

“I really didn’t want to cheat, but you’re giving me no other choice.” Valkyrie lifted her head and hazily saw him reach for his cane. Solomon touched it, and immediately, a myriad of slender, long, black tendrils shot out from it, curling around his figure and making him look bigger than he was.

Skulduggery withdrew a few inches, and Solomon’s smug smile widened. He flicked his wrist nonchalantly, and the shadows went for Valkyrie, furling around her clit and… doing _something_ that Valkyrie wasn’t quite sure what was, but it felt _so good_. They weren’t quite vibrating, but they were moving much faster than any mortal’s hand or tongue possibly could.

She gasped loudly, then let out a broken, desperate whimper, and now that Solomon had moved out of her reach, her hands gripped her thighs tightly, nails digging into the flesh as the shadows did whatever they did.

“Not touching.” Solomon sounded incredibly pleased with himself, and Valkyrie knew that while he wasn’t technically wrong, Skulduggery didn’t see it the same way. She tilted her head to look at the skeleton detective and found him fuming, still with the revolver trained on Solomon’s face. She didn’t doubt that he was a single stray thought away from pulling the trigger.

Valkyrie felt her stomach tug inwards, and she inhaled sharply, nearly choking on air, and squirmed. The shadows followed, didn’t lose contact with her for a second. She didn’t know if it was a good or bad sign that the two competitors had fallen silent, and at the moment, she couldn’t care less. She had her eye on her second orgasm, and she would personally kill anyone who got in the way.

The shadows twisted and turned, a few of the tendrils growing thicker before pushing inside her. Yet they didn’t stop caressing her clit, and while she was sure that Solomon would be booted from the Temple if the other Necromancers knew how he wielded his powers, she didn’t care. Not right now, at least. She would probably question him about it later. But for now, she focused solely on the warmth in her belly and her galloping heart.

She was hurtling towards the edge, fast, and her body tensed up, back arching and her toes and fingers curling tightly, only vaguely aware of the noises she produced. She opened her eyes slightly, and the entire world spun, but she managed to catch a glimpse of Skulduggery and Solomon staring at each other. Solomon glanced at her, and upon seeing her open eyes, moved a hand to her thigh, touching her. His palm was laid out flatly against her skin, and she immediately grabbed his wrist. Not to remove it, but just to feel _someone_.

“You’re touching her,” Skulduggery said with a strained voice. It was a major miracle that he hadn’t shot Solomon yet.

“Not for long, though.” He sounded pleased with himself, and just before she closed her eyes again, Valkyrie saw Solomon close his other hand into a fist. Instantaneously, the tendrils started thrusting in and out of her while the other bundle of shadows kept massaging her clit, and Valkyrie felt like her body was going to explode.

She squeezed his wrist tightly as her stomach tightened into a knot. She was close, so goddamn close, and she could feel the sweat on her forehead and in her palms. Without caring about being heard, she let out one miserable sound after the other, and then finally, _finally_ , the warmth flowed through her, and all the tension was gone. Feather-light and boneless, Valkyrie sagged against the bed while her core throbbed and pulsated rhythmically, yet the shadows the didn’t stop until she let out a wretched plea for mercy.

The tendrils and bundle of darkness ceased their actions and disappeared, leaving Valkyrie panting heavily and with a very faint ringing in her ears. She let go of Solomon’s hand, and it withdrew, and wiped her forehead, letting out a deep and heavy sigh and trying to get her breathing under control.

She feared what she was going to see when she opened her eyes, and it took her a while to do so, but when she did, she saw Solomon stand a few inches from the bed, hatred fighting smugness fighting adoration on his face. She tilted her head and saw Skulduggery with his gun lowered, now aiming at Solomon’s chest, though his gaze was still dead set on the Necromancer’s face. He looked furious.

“If you leave now,” he whispered, “I promise not to hunt you down over the country and kill you with my bare hands.”

“My my, what a promise to make. What if I don’t leave now?”

Skulduggery put a finger on the trigger. Valkyrie was about to ask him to stop, but Solomon was faster.

“Then I guess I shall take my leave now. Valkyrie, always a pleasure.” He came forward enough to bend down and kiss her cheek softly before he created a whirlwind of shadows in the middle of the room. He looked at Valkyrie, then at Skulduggery, and gave a small nod to both before walking into it. The shadows engulfed him, yet his parting words were clear as day.

“Nothing was settled tonight, detective. I’ll look forward to the rematch.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... there wasn't supposed to be More To This, but a comment on the previous chapter made me decide to write another. Whoops, my hands slipped for like 24 hours

”Cleric Wreath!”

Solomon Wreath calmly looked up from his book despite the urgency in the calling voice. A second later, his door was flung open by a Necromancer he didn’t recognize. Their hood was pulled over their head so he couldn’t even see their face. How annoying.

“What is it?”

“You have a visitor.”

“Valkyrie Cain?” he asked and felt his chest, dare he say it, blossom. The Necromancer shook their head and looked over their shoulder, as if scared they were followed. The blossoming feeling died down again, and without meaning to, his next words became a bark.

“Then who is it?”

“It’s Skulduggery Pleasant, Cleric Wreath.”

Solomon looked at the clearly panicking Necromancer and put down the book. He stood from his chair. Everything was done so very calmly, and he found a kind of secret joy in the panic of the Necromancer. They fidgeted with their hands and kept looking over their shoulder.

“I trust you’re holding him back?” he asked, voice still a rough bark.

“That’s the thing, Cleric Wreath. He’s not trying to fight. He just asked for you.”

That made Solomon stop in his tracks and raise an eyebrow. He didn’t have to wonder what this visit was about. Three nights ago, they had shared Valkyrie Cain, and now the great skeleton detective had come for revenge. He was getting slow - Solomon had halfway expected him to already be at the Temple by the time he got there. Or maybe he was growing soft. Either way, it had been a most wonderful evening, and no doubt was Skulduggery going to make him pay for it.

This had the potential to be _fun_.

“Let him in.”

“Cleric Wreath…?”

“Let. Him. In.” It wasn’t barked or snarled but said sternly with a turn of his head to look right at the Necromancer’s hood. They nodded and hurried out of his room. A few seconds later, Solomon could hear commotion and indignant voices demand that he - presumably Skulduggery - get out of the Temple.

Solomon popped his head out the door and looked down the hallway. Quite as he had expected, a group of Necromancers flocked around the skeleton detective who looked… dapper as always and disturbingly calm. He was rarely that calm when he had business with the Temple or anyone residing in it. He was wearing his façade.

Solomon found himself smiling and pulled back into his room. Skulduggery had seen him, however, and called out for him. His voice didn’t even waver.

“A pleasant day to you, Solomon.”

“And to you, Skulduggery.” He stepped away from the door to allow the skeleton inside. The group of Necromancers looked bewildered at the apparent truce between the two arch-enemies. But Solomon knew better, and he was under no illusion that Skulduggery knew, too.

He waved with a hand, and the sorcerers hurried to close the door and leave them in silence. He had halfway expected that the skeleton would attack him the moment they were alone, but when no attack came, he stretched out his hand, motioning to the only chair in the room. Skulduggery looked at him in a way that clearly said, “If this is a trap, I will kill you,” but nonetheless sat down in the chair. Backwards, of course, with his gloved hands folded on the back of it.

Nothing happened.

Solomon leaned against his cane and watched the detective. He found himself smiling again, a smug smile that turned the skeleton detective’s expression sour. They were both quiet for a while, simply staring at each other, Skulduggery very clearly focusing on _not_ beating him to a pulp. His hands were shaking ever so lightly.

It was really quite amusing.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Solomon said, breaking the silence. Skulduggery didn’t hesitate to talk.

“Three nights ago,” he said, his voice calm but his body betraying him, “something happened. You know what I’m talking about, and while that can never be allowed to happen again, it… made Valkyrie happy.” Solomon had to think of truly ghastly things to stop the smile from growing.

“If it made her happy, and I assume you just want to see her happy since you love her, then, and indulge me here for a moment, why can’t it happen again?” Skulduggery’s hands clenched into fists on the back of the chair.

“Those reasons would be my own.”

“Are you being selfish, Skulduggery? That’s hardly fair, now, is it? We both want what is best for Valkyrie, and----”

In a flash that Solomon barely registered had passed, Skulduggery was up from his chair and at his throat, the gun pressed against the soft underside of his chin. Solomon laughed.

“If you pull that trigger, Skulduggery, I can guarantee you that the Temples will avenge me. It won’t be pretty, and then where will Valkyrie be? No mentors, in a world with so many dangers and so much magic she has yet to learn.”

“Shut up,” Skulduggery hissed between gritted teeth and pressed the gun harder into his flesh. Solomon sighed. Without attracting attention, he gripped his cane tighter and tapped the handle a single time with his index finger. Immediately, shadows burst out and grabbed Skulduggery by the shoulders and legs, pulling him back and onto the floor where he struggled against the darkness. The gun went off with a loud bang, and a second passed before the door flew open again.

“Cleric Wreath!” several Necromancers exclaimed before seeing that he was okay and that he had the great skeleton detective pinned to the floor. Another few seconds passed, and they all began laughing. Solomon smiled, extremely pleased with himself even though, somewhere in the back of his head, he knew that Skulduggery was much, much stronger and a more capable fighter than this. He was playing him, somehow, and that made the smile falter slightly.

“Everything under control, as you can see,” he drawled and took a step towards the skeleton who glowered up at him. He prodded his head with the cane. “You may leave now.” The Necromancers disappeared from the room, closing the door after them.

The door had only been closed for a moment or two before Skulduggery broke free of the darkness and in a surprisingly agile and quick motion got up from the floor. In a flurry of fancy clothes and pale skin, the skeleton had grabbed him by the throat and shoved him backwards against the only desk in the room. Solomon cursed inwardly and flexed his fingers, getting the shadows to grab Skulduggery again, but he fought against them and simply slammed Solomon face-first against the table while wrenching one of his arms on his back.

Solomon kicked out at him but hit nothing but air. The hand on his throat moved to grab the back of his neck, and that combined with the surprisingly weighty skeleton kept him pinned down. He was fuming, anger bubbling in his chest and his shadows coiling around him while trying to tug Skulduggery away. But the detective proved to be stronger than him, and it was nothing short of infuriating.

Another, and less than welcome feeling, announced its presence by slightly tenting his trousers. He cursed again and focused all his energy on shoving Skulduggery away, and he succeeded. Tasting the sweet taste of victory, Solomon rolled onto his back and lifted his legs to kick at Skulduggery throwing himself against him, but the skeleton whipped out shadows of his own and used them as well as his hands to throw Solomon on his stomach again, once more pinning him down.

Anger flared in his heart while sudden arousal pooled in his belly. The warm weight of Skulduggery did nothing to diminish it, and Solomon could have screamed in frustration if he was a less dignified man.

As it was, he simply chased a flash of friction by grinding against the table and making it look like he was trying to get into a better position to kick at the skeleton detective. To his great chagrin and mortification, it seemed Skulduggery had noticed, because he chuckled lowly and wrenched his arm higher up on his back. Solomon grimaced and felt his cock jerk against the table. This was _not_ happening!

“I can’t imagine how humiliating this must be for you, Wreath. Pinned down by an enemy and, by the looks of it, _enjoying it_.” He sounded way too pleased with the situation.

Solomon took a risk - he pushed back against Skulduggery and was not surprised when he felt a considerable bulge meet his ass. It took a better man than him to not get aroused by having the upper hand over his enemy. Skulduggery, however, seemed very surprised if the sudden shout was anything to go by.

“How humiliating, indeed,” Solomon snarled and kicked back at Skulduggery. He evaded the kick and instead lifted Solomon’s head only to slam it back against the table, and he groaned in equal parts pain and arousal.

He had not seen this one coming. Sure, he had always been certain he liked manhandling, but not on him, and least of all with _Skulduggery Pleasant_. This could never reach anyone’s ears. He would probably have to kill the skeleton detective to stop this from spreading to others. Which wouldn’t have been a problem if he could pretend not to care for the fact that Valkyrie liked Skulduggery very much. Killing her other mentor figure would undoubtedly make her hate him, and that was an outcome Solomon didn’t want.

Solomon was about to use his shadows again when Skulduggery pushed forward with his hips, _grinding against him and making a strangled, approving sound_. What was this nonsense? Was he _trying_ to get off?

Solomon thought of himself as dignified and superior to Skulduggery, but he had to hold back a sound in the back of his throat that threatened to be his downfall. Before he could stop himself, and before that sound could escape him, Solomon ground back against Skulduggery and made his clothed erection drag over the table. He swallowed down the traitorous groan and focused on the sizzling anger in his veins rather than the flaring arousal. If he fought hard enough, perhaps this whole thing would be over and forgotten.

He took a deep breath and did his best to remain calm, then with all his might forced Skulduggery back and away. He once more rolled onto his back and glowered at the skeleton detective who surged forward. Solomon brought up his legs and kicked him in the stomach with both feet, sending him stumbling with a pained gasp. He used his chance and knocked into him with a shoulder and made him fall to the floor where Solomon immediately was over him and pinned his hands above his head.

Skulduggery writhed and cursed, and while hearing him curse in frustration was amazing and very rewarding, it was _nothing_ like the strangled shout that escaped him when Solomon ground against him, making their clothed erections slide against each other.

“You sicko,” Skulduggery growled with a tad less bite than normally and tried to throw him off, but now it was Solomon’s turn to have the upper hand.

“Takes one to know one,” Solomon grinned and rolled his hips, making both struggle to contain sounds of pleasure. He did a better job than Skulduggery who couldn’t hold back a shaky, quiet moan. “There, was that so hard to admit? We’re two sides of the same coin, Skulduggery.”

“To hell with you.” He spat out the words, and Solomon was about to quip back, but Skulduggery managed to free a hand, and before Solomon could catch it, the skeleton had snaked it between their bodies to press the palm against his cock. Solomon choked out a sound and closed his eyes for a second, letting out a silent hiss between gritted teeth.

He had partly expected the detective to set fire to him, but it appeared Skulduggery had different plans. His hand kept stroking along the clear outline of Solomon’s cock, and Solomon opened his eyes to send him a disdainful look but couldn’t deny how amazing it felt. Even if the hand belonged to his arch-enemy. He tried to imagine the hand was Valkyrie’s, but it was too big, the fingers too long and broad.

Jolts of pleasure flitted through him, and his heart was hammering in his chest like it was fighting for freedom.

“I ought to destroy you,” he growled, yet found himself pushing into the palm. The friction was so good, so very welcome, and he let out shaky sigh.

“Too bad you can’t.”

“I can, and I will. Let’s make this a fair fight, shall we?” With those words, Solomon moved one hand to Skulduggery’s crotch while making sure the other hand still pinned the skeleton’s to the floor. The moment Solomon had his hand at Skulduggery’s cock, the detective inhaled sharply and glared at him. Solomon sent him a smug smile and rubbed his palm along the length of his semi-hard cock. Skulduggery did his best to contain a grunt but didn’t succeed.

“How _humiliating_ ,” Solomon whispered upon leaning down so their faces were mere inches apart. Skulduggery sent him a murderous glare and tried headbutting him, but Solomon saw it coming and moved back again, the smug smile stretching into a grin.

“It won’t be humiliating for me when you succumb first,” Skulduggery snapped and zipped down Solomon’s trousers. Solomon was about to punch him, but the hand had writhed into his trousers and grabbed him through his underwear, now stroked him slowly.

Solomon was a man of resolution and wasn’t easily swayed. He was a solemn man. He didn’t see himself as holy, but he definitely saw himself as above the other Necromancers in the Temple. But even he couldn’t deny the needs of his body. He couldn’t deny the gasp that stumbled past his lips, and he couldn’t deny his hips snapping forward, surely on their own accord.

He glared at Skulduggery and retaliated by undoing _his_ trousers and shove his hand into them and under his underwear to stroke his cock. For half a second, it registered in his brain that this was his first time touching a dick that wasn’t his own, but the excitement that might have followed that realization was drowned out by a flare of determination to make Skulduggery break.

Skulduggery gasped sharply but otherwise didn’t make a sound, merely glowered at Solomon who couldn’t keep another pleased smile off his face. The smile faltered, however, when Skulduggery pushed his hand _beneath_ his underwear and wrapped his broad fingers around the base of his cock and started stroking in long, firm motions.

“I won’t lose to you,” he all but growled and stared right into Solomon’s eyes while pumping him slowly, and Solomon _loathed_ the rugged moan that escaped him. He gritted his teeth harder together and tried to focus solely on stroking Skulduggery. It proved to be a challenge; Skulduggery’s hand was bigger than he was used to, covered so much more ground, and his fingers were rougher than the women he had been with. It was a whole new set of sensations, and he hated how good it felt, hated how his heart skipped a beat when Skulduggery swiped his thumb over the tip of his cock to spread the pre-cum and made the motions that much slicker and _oh, so good_.

It was close to the first time in his life that Solomon held his tongue, afraid that his voice would crack if he used it. He instead mirrored Skulduggery’s actions and managed to wrench a rough moan from him.

“Give up now, Wreath, before you embarrass yourself.” Solomon found immense joy in the tremor in the detective’s voice, but the words made anger spark in his chest. He held on to that anger, kindled it and nourished it until it burned wild and without control, scorching his veins and setting his heart aflame. It made his face heat up - he refused to believe it was anything else - and his hands started trembling ever so slightly.

He squeezed Skulduggery’s cock tightly and gave a few harsh tugs that left the detective shouting and groaning. Some of the anger subsided to instead give way for malicious glee and, to his dismay, the same warm, bubbly feeling he felt when women touched him intimately. That particular feeling made him sigh, and he closed his eyes, bit his lower lip to prevent a hiss, when Skulduggery slid his hand lower to fondle his balls.

The door opened, and Solomon looked up in horror, was about to order whoever it was to shut the door, but when he saw Valkyrie Cain stand in the doorway, his face paled - something he wasn’t used to. He had not expected her, of all people, to find him like this, and he felt a block of ice-cold dread settle somewhere near his throat. She just stood there, hand on the doorknob, and stared at them.

Skulduggery tilted his head and looked at her.

“Valkyrie,” he said, and Solomon managed to find an ounce of joy in the tremor in his voice, “would you mind closing the door?”

Valkyrie did close the door and walk into the room, staring at them. Solomon held his breath. Not once did it occur to either of them to remove their hands from the other’s cock.

“What,” she whispered, “in the hell are you two doing?” She didn’t sound angry, but rather confused and surprised to find them so close to each other and in such a compromising position.

“Any chance you would believe me if I said I was using a secret tactic to kick his ass?”

“Only if that means you’re bottoming for Solomon. Which I somehow find _very_ hard to believe.” Valkyrie moved to grab the chair, pulled it in front of them, and sat on it. Backwards. “But please,” she said, “don’t let me stop you.” Now there was an amused lilt to her voice, and Solomon wasn’t sure what to make of it. He glanced to Skulduggery who looked as confused as he felt.

They both looked to Valkyrie who waved a hand. She folded her arms on the back of the chair and leaned her chin on them.

“Fight it out. Get it out of your system. I’m sick and tired of your grudges, sort it out and make up, make out, whatever it takes.” The very _idea_ of kissing Skulduggery made Solomon’s stomach turn, and he scoffed.

“Over my dead body,” Skulduggery said, causing a snicker to rise from Valkyrie’s throat and Solomon to roll his eyes before batting Skulduggery’s hand away and getting to his feet. He was sporting a sizeable erection but decided to not care about that right now, something he hoped Valkyrie would join in on. Skulduggery didn’t move to attack or grab him or otherwise try to turn the tables.

But Solomon wasn’t lucky enough that Valkyrie ignored his hard-on. Her eyes weren’t exactly glued to it, but it was clearly hard for her to take her eyes off it. He cleared his throat. Valkyrie looked up, a small apologetic smile on her lips, and her eyes darted to Skulduggery as he got up from the floor as well.

“You’re both looking very dashing,” she commented. Skulduggery straightened his suit and brushed lint and dust from it while Solomon ran a hand through his hair. Valkyrie got up from the chair and went to Skulduggery. Solomon felt jealousy and that heated anger flare again when she leaned up to kiss him, and he looked away with a scoff.

“I always win,” the detective said, and that was it for Solomon. He wrenched his arm back and hurled his fist at Skulduggery, punching his cheek with a force that sent him stumbling backwards.

“Solomon!” Valkyrie exclaimed, but Solomon didn’t care - in that very second, Skulduggery hurtled a fire ball in his direction. He dodged and sent his shadows at the detective, but he deflected them and threw another fire ball that nearly caught him.

“Boys, boys, you’re both very pretty, stop fighting!”

But neither of them listened. They kept dishing out fire balls and shadows at each other and only stopped when a suspicious sound managed to drown out their angry snarls and bickering. Skulduggery was the first to stop hurtling fire and look in the direction of the sound. Solomon was about to send an army of shadow tendrils at him, but he dodged them and held up a hand before pointing towards Solomon’s bed. Thinking it a trick, Solomon just scoffed and went to punch him, but Skulduggery avoided the attack and strode towards the bed as if nothing had happened.

Solomon finally looked, and the sight nearly made his jaw drop.

Valkyrie was on his bed, her legs spread and her fingers dancing over her body. One hand had grabbed his pillow while the other gradually moved down her belly and over her hip to end between her legs. She gasped softly and turned her head to look first at Solomon - his entire body suddenly seemed to be on fire - and then at Skulduggery who kneeled beside the bed.

“I told you, I’m sick and tired of your bullshit, so I’m taking care of myself.”

“Let me help you,” Skulduggery offered and lifted his hand, presumably to stroke her, but she batted it away.

“Not until you two have made up.”

Solomon and Skulduggery looked at each other, and Solomon felt the angry jealousy mix with… something he wasn’t sure he wanted to put into words. He sighed and walked towards the bed, stopping only to put a hand awkwardly on Skulduggery’s shoulder. The detective looked up at him, suspicion and mistrust clear on his face. Solomon forced a smile on his lips.

“How do you want us to make up?” he asked, fearing the answer, and didn’t look away from Skulduggery. Said man glanced quickly at Valkyrie before looking back at him.

She snickered and stopped touching herself, eyes darting between the two of them.

“The best solution would be for you to make out, but I have a feeling that is not going to happen.”

“You’re damn right that’s not going to happen,” Solomon said gruffly, but a part, a very miniscule part of him, felt a pang of reluctance to say that. It was almost like… like that part of him _wanted_ to kiss Skulduggery. Which was, of course, completely preposterous. It had to be the heat of the moment, had to be because they had had their hands on each other’s cocks just a few minutes ago. There was no other logical explanation.

Certainly no other explanation that didn’t make disgust well up in his throat.

“So therefore, I suggest you make up by both having sex with me.”

“That’s absurd,” Skulduggery immediately said and shook Solomon’s hand off his shoulder, looking back at Valkyrie. Solomon had to nod in agreement, although the thought of having sex with Valkyrie was a very welcome one. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t played with that thought before, especially after the Requiem ball. This was, of course, nothing to tell the skeleton detective or Valkyrie - he had a feeling that conversation wouldn’t end well for him.

“Where’s the logic in that?” Solomon asked and crossed his arms in defiance.

“You have to learn to share.”

Solomon and Skulduggery glanced at each other. After a long moment, the detective sighed deeply, and it sounded immensely pained.

“You’re not going to give up on this, are you?”

“Nope. And my patience is wearing thin, so you better make a decision before I leave both of you.”

“We’ll do it,” Solomon said quickly while looking at Valkyrie. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Skulduggery snapping his head to the side to look at him, but he couldn’t care. He put a hand on the detective’s shoulder again, gripping somewhat firmly.

“Good choice.” Valkyrie began touching herself again while her eyes darted from Skulduggery to Solomon, and whenever her gaze landed on him, Solomon felt his cock throb. She really was something else.

For a little while, there was total silence in the room, the two men staring at Valkyrie working herself.

“Solomon,” she then moaned, and Solomon’s grip of Skulduggery’s shoulder turned tight, “Solomon, get up here. Skulduggery, you too.”

Glancing at each other, they did as she asked of them, Solomon sitting up against one wall while Skulduggery sat against the metal headboard. Valkyrie laid between them, one hand landing on Skulduggery’s thigh while her other stroked and rubbed herself. It was intoxicating to watch. Her folds glistened with slick, and Solomon occasionally managed to catch a glimpse of her clit. It looked delicious, and he longed to taste it again, longed to make her come undone.

Valkyrie stopped masturbating and looked at Solomon who felt his soul and heart become lighter. He couldn’t help a slightly dopey smile as she crawled towards him. She was naked, he suddenly registered, and he blinked slowly, kept his focus on her face.

She sat in his lap and leaned in to kiss him. Solomon was sure he could physically feel his heart stop beating. For a second or two, he didn’t know what to do, too taken aback by her sweet and soft lips. But when Valkyrie began pulling back, he grabbed the back of her head with one hand while his other went to her waist, and he kissed her back with a small sound in the back of his throat.

Valkyrie let out a soft gasp, and Solomon eagerly swallowed it down, pressing his lips firmly against hers. There was no finesse or grace behind it, it was pure lust and need, and she kissed just like he had dreamed she did. Firm and sweet, with the softest lips, and they slid easily against his, could easily keep up with his, frankly, clumsy kissing. He knew he wasn’t the best at kissing - it wasn’t like he got a lot of practice, living in the Temple and everything. But Valkyrie didn’t seem to mind, simply kissed him so deeply and passionately that his heart threatened to burst.

Solomon glanced over at Skulduggery. He looked anything but happy. Solomon couldn’t help a small smile, and he kissed Valkyrie harder, relished and swallowed the surprised moan that left her mouth.

“On your back,” she whispered against his lips, and Solomon didn’t waste time in laying down. He could feel his shoes bump against Skulduggery’s but didn’t seize the opportunity to kick him.

“Who’s the pet now?” Skulduggery grumbled. Solomon ignored him.

A second passed, and Valkyrie lowered herself on top of him, her crotch pressing against his and making him gasp softly. He almost didn’t care that his trousers would get stained from her slick as she started grinding against him. He grabbed her hips and groaned softly, closing his eyes and chasing the sweet, sweet friction.

“Skulduggery,” she then called, and Solomon felt the bed dip and move as Skulduggery crawled over to them, “you know what to do.”

It slightly stung his heart that they were so intimately familiar with each other that she didn’t have to instruct him, but he pushed that thought away. He had her here, now, in his arms, grinding against him and moaning softly. What more could he possibly ask for?

Solomon felt the detective’s hands momentarily brush against his as they fought for space on Valkyrie’s hips, and he scoffed inwardly.

“What do I do?” he asked and loathed how his voice trembled and sounded unsure. Valkyrie merely chuckled.

“You, Solomon, get to do this. Just lie back and relax.” He opened his eyes to see her shuffle backwards, pushing Skulduggery back over the bed, until her hands were yanking down his trousers. Solomon let his head fall back against the mattress and groaned quietly as his cock was freed and bobbed against his stomach. It was hard and the tip a deep, angry red with pre-cum pooling by the slit.

He lifted his head to watch her hungrily, but when she took his cock in her mouth, Solomon was sure he was going to die from heart failure. His heart felt like it was wildly out of control, altering between galloping like a thousand wild horses and not beating at all. He pressed his head hard back against the mattress, groaning loudly and sliding his hands to her shoulders where they gripped firmly.

She used a lot of saliva while sucking him off, and Solomon cringed inwardly - he wasn’t a big fan of bodily fluids or getting them smeared everywhere. He liked things clean and neat, not smothered with saliva or other kinds of fluids. But hell if this didn’t feel good, he had to give her that.

It didn’t last nearly long enough, and when she pulled back, he actually, physically groaned, looked up at her with a vision that was slightly fuzzy around the edges. She smiled to him before she once more moved on top of him, and he saw Skulduggery following her, his head by her ass making loud, filthy sounds.

There was no doubt in Solomon’s mind as to what Valkyrie would have them do. The thought made him dizzy. Aside from the situation at the Requiem ball, he had never had a threesome, and to think that today, he would be doing it again? _Wild_.

“Do you have lubrication?” he heard Skulduggery ask, sounding slightly shaky, and he shook his head.

“Not a drop,” he replied.

“Then it’s going to be unpleasant, Valkyrie. Would you rather---”

“Just go for it, Skulduggery, I can handle it.”

She positioned her cunt by Solomon’s cock and rolled her hips, dragging her wet folds over him and making his toes curl in his shoes and wrenching a shaky moan from him. She was so soft, so impossibly soft and smooth, and she felt good, just now, from this, and he was going to _die_ when he got inside her, he was sure of it.

“Valkyrie,” he croaked and looked up at her, feeling dizzy and dazed. He was not used to this. He had had a few women, but none of them had made him feel this euphoric, this exhilarated. Valkyrie sure was something else.

“Shh, just relax,” she whispered and moved a hand down to take his cock in hand, giving it a few strokes and lining it up with her entrance. Solomon did his best to relax, but every muscle in his body was taut and tense like a bowstring. He was breathing quickly, and his hands had slid from her shoulders to her waist. His fingertips brushed against Skulduggery’s. He found that he didn’t mind.

Which was something he didn’t want to think about.

“You can move.” She sounded amused by his lack of movement, and he thrust up and slid inside her.

She felt amazing. Warm and slick and not really tight, but definitely good.

“You feel amazing,” he said on a shaky exhale, and she giggled, also rather breathily.

“I know.”

He pushed fully inside her with a long, loud moan and gripped her waist tightly, pressing his head back against the mattress and wallowing in immense pleasure. His heart threatened to burst from working so hard, and he couldn’t remember having been so hard and excited for anyone, ever. Not even his first roll in the hay had been this exciting.

Valkyrie didn’t move, simply sighed and moaned when Solomon began thrusting. At first it was a slow and gentle pace that wouldn’t disrupt Skulduggery eating her ass. She snaked her arms around his neck and kissed him again, and Solomon could have _sworn_ he had died.

There were sparks behind his closed eyes, and he breathed heavily, kissing her deeply back.

Then the bed moved again, and Solomon could feel Skulduggery shuffle around, his knees touching his calves, and he knew what was going to happen next. He opened his eyes to look over Valkyrie’s shoulder and got eye-contact with Skulduggery. His glare was hard and clearly annoyed while Solomon was too much of a puddle to really manage such negative emotions; he just knew he was having a good time.

Solomon felt Skulduggery push inside Valkyrie, and her body tightened up and she let out a small whine, broke the kiss to instead press her head against Solomon’s chest. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her close while Skulduggery penetrated her, his hands gentle on her hips.

“I’m sorry, Valkyrie,” he said, and he sounded genuinely sorry for the pain he was causing her. She shook her head and panted, “It’s fine, keep going,”. And so he did. He pushed fully inside her while she whined and moaned until his hips were flush against her ass, and Solomon could _feel_ him between her inner walls. He could feel his cock, thick and jerking every now and then.

It was killing him, for more reasons than he thought it would. He remembered how it had felt to slide their - clothed - erections together, and now that he felt it with only a thin wall of flesh between them, he almost wished there hadn’t been any clothes.

Skulduggery leaned in over Valkyrie, and she tilted her head to kiss him. It was a messy, sloppy kiss, and Solomon focused on thrusting into her. She felt so bloody good, and he had a sneaking suspicion he wouldn’t last long. He let go of her as she began pushing herself up, and she ended up with one hand on Solomon’s chest and the other wrapped around Skulduggery’s neck while they kissed.

Skulduggery pulled back, and the sensation made Solomon buck his hips and arch his back slightly, sent jolts of pleasure through him. He gasped softly and closed his eyes, focused on Valkyrie clenching around them.

“Try to relax, dear,” Skulduggery whispered against her lips, and she chuckled quietly. It took her a few seconds, but she finally did relax, and Solomon exhaled slowly, lifting his head to mouth at her neck. She gasped and moaned, rolled her hips slightly.

In the beginning, Skulduggery and Solomon altered between thrusting to let her get accustomed to having two cocks inside her. At first, Skulduggery was the one to thrust, and Valkyrie collapsed against Solomon who stroked her sides while Skulduggery pet her hair and kissed her face and neck. She whined and whimpered as Skulduggery filled her, and her sounds were driving both men mad. Then it was Solomon’s turn to move, and he did so gently, thrusting slowly but gradually working up to a fast pace.

When Valkyrie was a boneless heap and moaning uncontrollably, Skulduggery and Solomon found a silent, mutual agreement to thrust in tandem. Every now and then, they shared a glance, and Skulduggery gradually lost the sour expression. He never got to smile, but after a while he didn’t look like he was ready to murder Solomon. Not at the moment, at least.

It would probably return later.

For the moment, Solomon focused on the intense warmth eating at his soul, and he relished the pangs and jolts of pleasure surging through him whenever he or Skulduggery thrust or Valkyrie moved, rolling her hips and making all three of them moan. Once, a stray thought entered his mind - what would the other Necromancers say if they got wind of what had transpired here today? - but he shoved it away to the back of his mind. That worry was for later, if someone actually found out.

Finally, they had found a hard and fast pace, and each thrust and moan made Solomon’s toes and fingers curl. He felt the drag of Skulduggery’s cock, and it was so very exciting. More than a few times, their fingers bumped into each other when their hands roamed Valkyrie’s body.

Skulduggery decided to help her orgasm along by reaching down and touching her clit, his other arm holding her close against him. Solomon cursed himself for not having thought of that, but he wasn’t about to try and steal the scene. At the contact, Valkyrie let out a loud, sharp gasp, and her hips bucked. She clenched around them, and both men groaned loudly, their hands gripping her tightly and their hips snapping against her.

Solomon was, as he had expected, the first to come. He didn’t have the experience or stamina of Skulduggery, and while this bothered him, it was something he could do precious little about.

“Valkyrie,” he whispered and leaned up to kiss her throat, “Valkyrie, I’m close.”

“Come for me,” she whispered back and looked at him for a second before her eyes fell shut, Skulduggery’s fingers bringing her ever closer to the brink of orgasm, “you can come inside me if you want.” It didn’t pass Solomon by how Skulduggery’s grip tightened when she said that, but he ignored it for now. He could deal with the consequences later.

After that, it only took him about half a minute to come. His hands grabbed her waist tightly as he drove relentlessly into her, moaning and groaning, and coupled with the feeling of Skulduggery thrusting inside her, Solomon came undone.

Whiteness exploded behind his eyes. The tightness in his belly finally dissipated. A feeling of indifference washed over him - nothing mattered except Valkyrie and Skulduggery, and he chased the sweet, sweet sensation of being featherlight and floating. He moaned, only somewhat registered it as ‘loud’, and after a few wonderful, blissful seconds, he sagged back against the mattress. He was panting and breathing heavily, only vaguely aware that he was still thrusting, albeit weakly.

Next came Valkyrie, clenching hard around them both and whimpering out her pleasure, her sounds being absorbed by Skulduggery’s mouth. She visibly tensed, her muscles growing taut, and held her breath as she was overcome by pleasure.

Then she slumped against Solomon who held her close and stroked her hair while Skulduggery chased his own pleasure. It didn’t take him long to reach climax, and he came with a breathy moan, his hips bucking and pressing hard against Valkyrie. She gave a soft, keen whine and tilted her head to look at Skulduggery. They exchanged a dopey, but very affectionate smile.

Skulduggery and Solomon pulled out, and Valkyrie sighed deeply and let herself sag against Solomon’s chest. It didn’t take Skulduggery two seconds to gently, but firmly pull her into his own arms instead. Solomon simply snorted.

They lay in silence for a good few minutes before Solomon opened his mouth. It felt like it was full of cotton, and his speech was slightly slurred.

“How did you know where to find us?” he asked. Valkyrie hummed and kissed Skulduggery’s jaw, snuggling into his body. He was now skin- and faceless, the façade gone. How could that be comfortable to cuddle?

”I couldn’t find Skulduggery anywhere. Not at the Sanctuary, not at his house. Figured he might be having a word or two with you about what happened at the ball. But I hadn’t expected to find you like that.”

Skulduggery cleared his throat and gave Solomon a look that said ‘die’. Solomon rolled his eyes and glared back.

“I don’t think anyone of us expected it to go like that,” Solomon said. Valkyrie snickered and curled up against the skeleton detective. Solomon watched her fondly and it felt like flowers bloomed in his chest.

He knew he could never have her like Skulduggery had her, but if he could have her like this, just once in a while, that would be enough for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed <3


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